“Who am I?” “Why am I here?” “Where am I going?” “What really matters in life?” These are all questions that each and every one of us asks ourselves from time to time, but particularly when a person has been diagnosed with an illness such as cancer, these questions become paramount . We have a tendency to go through life shielding ourselves from certain realities such as our mortality, but cancer brings us to that door where we can either open it or close it, open it to be in touch with our vulnerability or close it to all the possibilities that our present life has to offer in our relationships with each other and to a higher authority, the horizontal and vertical so to speak.
A diagnosis of cancer leads people on a search for meaning which has more to do with a growing need for spirituality rather than religion. Some people use the words spirituality and religion synonymously, but really they are different. Religion may be defined as a specific set of beliefs and practices, usually associated with an organized group, in other words, grounded in specific rules. Spirituality on the other hand has no ground rules, no formal belief system or doctrine; it is a connection to all that is universal. Spirituality may be defined as an individual’s sense of peace, purpose, connection to others, and beliefs about the meaning of life. While many find solace, comfort and support in their particular religion, there tends to be a greater opportunity to find meaning in one’s personal spirituality, and it indeed is personal.
A wonderful analogy I discovered for one’s spirituality was from nurse and author of Mind, Body, and Soul: A Guide to Living with Cancer, Nancy Hassett Dahm. She likened the depth of one’s spiritual connection to being in the shallow end of a pool. “You may explore various depths, and often marvel at seemingly limitless unanswered questions and mysteries, until you accept that the far end of the pool is really the boundless, deep end of a magnificent ocean.” Ms. Dahm asks the question “Why is it important to have a sense of spirituality?” Personally, and in my years of being an oncology nurse, I agree with her that it definitely is important, because it will help you live better and to live with a heightened sense of hope and meaning. There is a beauty to spirituality as it “enables you to create your own private place of being”. It is “contemplating anything and everything in relation to your sense of being; finding personal significance in the seemingly insignificant, to that which holds the greatest significance” however that is defined by you.
Author Dahm has used philosophy to give her a greater sense of spirituality, such as the works of Socrates, Plato and Marcus Aurelius. Because philosophy is “grounded in logic” and is “universal, non-sectarian and speaks to the soul of most of us who are uncertain or fearful of the mysteries of life and death”, the ideas of these philosophers are what folks may need to find connection to each other and to the universe. “Philosophy serves as a moral compass, teaching us the many ideals of a meaningful and purposeful life and the permanence of the soul.” Ms. Dahm says that by reading these philosophers, you may be taken “from the shallow end of the pool to the deep end of spiritual comfort”.
As you may have guessed by now, I was so moved and touched by this author. I so identified with Ms. Dahm as she verbalized, as a noted author could, that which I could not in all my own years as an oncology nurse. Rather than paraphrase, I will quote her directly: “I realized long ago (in our caring for those with cancer) that people need to feel their life mattered in a significant way. I felt a responsibility to show them that indeed, they are loved and part of us all. Finding a way to bring them the peace of mind they could not give themselves took me on a search for greater spirituality. It was for myself as much as for them. In helping others I was finding my own way, my own road to understanding.”
Herein lies my involvement with Life with Cancer’s Spirituality Quest Group that meets monthly at our Life with Cancer® Family Center. Fifteen years ago when the group originated, we started appropriately with discussion of the book Man’s Search for Meaning by psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl. He firmly believed that every human person is a being who is transcendent and that the basic drive for a person is not pleasure or power but meaning. That is the essence of the Spirituality Quest Group. We are on a quest for the meaning in our lives, both personally and collectively; we look at how a cancer diagnosis impacts that meaning and how we can find peace in the midst of chaos and crisis. We have many storms of life that darken our skies and have to be buffeted: physical, mental, financial, the list goes on, but when we can find a place to feel grounded, supported and safe, wherever that place may be, maybe at our group, you will find a sense of peace and comfort and feel transcended!
Respectfully and lovingly,
Marsha Komandt, RN, BSN, OCN®
Oncology Education Coordinator
Life with Cancer® 